El idealista que alguna vez fui. / The idealist I once was.

El idealista que alguna vez fui. / The idealist I once was.

Hubo un tiempo en el que creí que la vida se resumía en un empleo estable, un amor eterno, una casa cálida y un auto que nos llevara a aventuras familiares. Soñaba con esa película hollywoodense que prometía finales felices sin esfuerzo.

Pero la realidad tiene sus propios guiones, y el mío resultó estar escrito en tinta invisible. Quince años después, sigo saltando de empleo en empleo, como si el suelo bajo mis pies nunca llegara a solidificarse. Mi matrimonio, alguna vez un refugio, se ha transformado en un espejismo: la mujer con la que compartí promesas ahora es alguien que apenas reconozco.

Y luego está mi hijo, un pequeño ser de luz y sombras, diagnosticado con autismo tipo dos. A veces siento que vivo con un extraterrestre en miniatura: lo amo con locura, pero no siempre logro entenderlo. La economía se encargó de arrebatarnos la casa propia, y hoy somos nómadas dependiendo de nuestros padres, mientras el auto familiar se ha convertido en un taxi sin destino fijo.

Mi familia es un rompecabezas de piezas rotas: un medio hermano perdido en el juego con una enamorada tóxica, padres que miraron hacia otro lado cuando la bomba estalló, suegros disfuncionales—uno prófugo de la ley, la otra atrapada en su mundo limitado—.

Soy el hombre que carga con los pedazos. A veces solo, a veces acompañado, pero siempre con el peso de lo que pudo ser y nunca fue.

Me di cuenta demasiado tarde de que fui un idealista: esperaba que un ser sobrenatural, un milagro, abriera de pronto un portal y me llevara a ese mundo perfecto que soñaba. Pero los milagros son escasos, y la religión—como dijo Nietzsche—a veces no es más que el opio que adormece al pueblo.

Hoy sé que la única magia que existe es la determinación, la disciplina y la constancia… pero siempre anclada en la realidad. Conocer el mundo en el que vives, aceptar sus reglas y fluir con él—no en contra—. Jugar a ser el héroe, solo trae dolor.

Si alguien lee esto, que sepa: no esperes portales mágicos. Construye con lo que tienes, ama con lo que eres y avanza sin ilusiones vacías. La vida no es una película… pero aún así, puede tener destellos de belleza en medio del caos.


There was a time when I believed life was summed up in a stable job, eternal love, a warm home, and a car that would take us on family adventures. I dreamed of that Hollywood movie that promised happy endings effortlessly.

But reality has its own scripts, and mine turned out to be written in invisible ink. Fifteen years later, I’m still jumping from job to job, as if the ground beneath my feet would never solidify. My marriage, once a refuge, has become a mirage: the woman with whom I shared promises is now someone I barely recognize.

And then there’s my son, a tiny being of light and shadow, diagnosed with type 2 autism. Sometimes I feel like I’m living with a miniature alien: I love him madly, but I can’t always understand him. The economy took over our home, and today we’re nomads dependent on our parents, while the family car has become a taxi with no fixed destination.

My family is a puzzle of broken pieces: a half-brother lost in a game with a toxic girlfriend, parents who looked the other way when the bomb exploded, dysfunctional in-laws—one a fugitive from the law, the other trapped in her own limited world.

I am the man who carries the pieces. Sometimes alone, sometimes together, but always burdened by the weight of what could have been but never was.

I realized too late that I was an idealist: I hoped that a supernatural being, a miracle, would suddenly open a portal and take me to that perfect world I dreamed of. But miracles are rare, and religion—as Nietzsche said—is sometimes nothing more than the opium that lulls people to sleep.

Today I know that the only magic that exists is determination, discipline, and perseverance… but always anchored in reality. Knowing the world you live in, accepting its rules, and flowing with it—not against it. Playing the hero only brings pain.

If anyone reads this, let them know: don’t expect magic portals. Build with what you have, love with who you are, and move forward without empty hopes. Life isn’t a movie… but it can still have glimpses of beauty amidst the chaos.

La Realidad Egoísta (6)

La Realidad Egoísta (6)
  • ¡Hasta cuándo vas a seguir con este sueño estúpido! ¡No ves, que los pesos no nos alcanzan! ¡Estoy cansada de esto! No voy a pasarme la vida lavando platos y vasos – gritaba la madre mientras el hijo mayor veía con temor la expresión en su rostro.
  • ¿¡Por qué hablas asi!? ¡Siempre me tratas igual! – responde el esposo.
  • Tenemos dos hijos, tenemos que pagar la luz, el agua y el teléfono. ¿No te das cuenta? – continuó enfurecida la esposa.
  • Estoy haciendo lo mejor que puedo, también me canso, pero sigo trabajando por ellos. – respondió.
  • ¡No es por ellos, idiota! Quieres algo grande para este café ¡Eso no va a suceder aquí! ¡Estoy cansada de verte siempre con la misma «candaleta»! Podríamos estar en un mejor lugar, teniendo mejores cosas para nosotros y para los niños.
  • Todo va a estar bien, yo te voy a proteger.
  • No quiero seguir asi. – indicó la esposa.
  • ¡Quiero otra vida! – prosiguió.
  • ¡¿Qué quieres hacer?! – preguntó el esposo.
  • Voy a volver, con más fuerza a trabajar, pero ahorraré una parte. En este país no pienso quedarme. Quiero vivir en una casa grande, hermosa, lujosa. Tener una habitación inmensa, jardín, un closet inmenso con mucha ropa, una cochera con uno o dos carros lujosos. Quiero la vida que merecemos. Ve tú, si decides acompañarme en esto o si te vas yendo a un departamento pequeño o a casa de tus padres. Yo me voy, y lo voy a lograr. – con gran determinación en sus ojos y apretando los dientes dijo estas últimas palabras a su esposo.
  • Llegó la hora en que sea un medio de sus deseos. Hoy dejé de tener opinión y voto en esta casa. Soy un objeto más. – pensó el esposo, pero no dijo lo que pensaba.
  •  Ok, vamos por ello. – Fueron las palabras que él soltó.

Memories of a day in pandemic.

Memories of a day in pandemic.

September 8, Third year of the pandemic.

The prices of the basic basket rise more and more in Latin America. Lemon, sugar and rice have increased their prices by one hundred and fifteen percent. People who cook, whether to feed their family or for work, are running out of ideas for the daily menu.

We have a minister of economy who only talks nonsense through the media and an absent president, who only shows up when it comes to social works to boast of her image.

The morning news only shows the empty streets of the city, the hospitals with long lines of patients and/or the violent strikes of one or another union of workers fighting against the police force.

I get out of bed and leave my room to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water, hoping it’s drinkable, while I watch my father watch the news complaining about the government. – One knows that this is common in elderly people. -My mother, covered with a mask, washes the dishes that we left dirty the night before, while she listens to the bad moods of her old husband in front of the television.

The three of us have been marked with the vaccine against the plague that plagues the world. I have three stripes on my arm symbolizing the three doses that correspond to my age, while my father and mother have five and four respectively.

12:00

Today it’s time to go to the market to buy more supplies. My father can’t go because of his age, he could and he wouldn’t want to, but we don’t let him. We get tough on him when we make these decisions. – I know it would be ugly to die from asphyxiation, perhaps one of the worst deaths there could be. But, it doesn’t matter to me, it’s not that I have much desire to continue existing in a society as rotten as the virus that harasses us. –

Welcome to Latin America!

14:00

I arrive from the supermarket carrying around eight bags in my hands, bringing basic foods such as potatoes, onions, tomatoes, rice, sugar, among others. I only had to walk about three blocks from where I bought them, although it seemed longer because of the bright sun that kept making me sweat.

As soon as I arrive, my younger sister is waiting for me with a hose in hand to perform a very archaic disinfection process on me. – It’s like a double bathroom. -I leave the supplies in a tray so that they can be disinfected with alcohol by my mother, while my sister sprays me with pressurized cold water to get rid of any «polluting agent» that she may bring in from the street. – It is surprising that I have not caught a cold to date. –

We had lunch in silence in the kitchen, while we continued watching the news from our beloved tabloid press. It seems that these gentlemen were paid much more, for ruining the lunch of all the families in the country, putting depressing images on the television.

We only see robberies, assaults and scams. One or another politician blaming another political group; which, in turn, they define as «doing politics», blaming them for the current situation and vociferating that with them in power this situation will be different. Then to soothe the endless social depression they give us some sports for dessert, to stoke the little hope that is in our hearts. – As if goals healed people -.

A very famous doctor in the media, recommends not getting depressed and having a good mental system so as not to fall into this terrible disease while the other hours of the day fill our heads with anguish and make us crave for not knowing what will happen tomorrow .

16:00

Bored of being locked up in my room playing video games, I go out to the door of my house to get some air. I breathe while I see how the dust covers the electrical cables on the roofs of each homes.

I return to the kitchen, only to realize that my parents are resting in their room and they probably plan on not coming back downstairs until tomorrow. I drink a glass of water and return to my room to see if I can entertain myself with a serie on streaming.

20:00

A commotion is heard in the distance that grows as more neighbors join in on this bustle. Society decided to hit a pot with a ladle as a sign of solidarity towards the professionals who are on the front line of battle. Doctors, Nurses, Police and Firefighters who have to deal with the incidents of confinement. This collective hubbub lasts for about fifteen minutes and then everything falls silent again. -It seems that today will once again be a day to go to bed early, a day to forget. –